I’m turning 30 this week. Oh, how much younger that feels than it used to. Lately, I’ve started to wake up slower and my back hurts more often. (I continue to blame it on the 37 lb. 2-year old that wants to be carried everywhere.) No matter, I’ve been getting all sentimental lately, since apparently that’s what “old people” do, so here are my musings about turning 30, and some of the most poignant lessons I’ve learned in my time. You know, the good old days.
1. “Fair” is a place with Ferris Wheels, the description on the front of expensive coffee, and my Math test scores. Life is not fair.
2. Chocolate can cure anything…except maybe diabetes. But everything else.
3. A 30-pound sleeping child actually weighs 100 lbs. It’s a scientific fact.
4. Never fall asleep chewing gum unless you want a haircut.
5. Five minutes of quiet is blissful…unless you have a toddler…then it’s terrifying.
6. Glitter is only fun when you’re not the one cleaning it up.
7. Life goes too quickly when you want it to slow down, and too slow when you want it to speed up. Try to enjoy it all.
8. High schoolers continue to look younger every year. Soon they’ll put be putting 2nd graders in teeny bopper clothes and calling them Freshmen.
9. The original Nintendo Super Mario Brothers beats any game on any system. Ever.
10. Knowing how to do the Macarena is cool. Actually doing the Macarena? Not cool.
11. Never leave your husband’s toolbox next to the car. Your toddler may start beating the car with a hammer. Or remove the license plate. Or both.
12. Silly String and sand. See #6.
13. “Sleeping in” means something totally different after kids. Before kids, it means dozing until 10, then lollygagging with a warm beverage and a magazine. After kids, sleeping in means the sun is already up and no one is screaming for you.
14.Whoever said “it’s only water” has never seen the destruction a 2-year old can create with “only water”.
15. Your Grandparents are special characters in your life. Unfortunately, you don’t usually appreciate the privilege of spending time with them until you wish you had spent more time with them.
16. In the hands of a toddler boy, books, dirt, spoons, and shoes can all be used as a weapon.
17. Walking into a dark room with Legos scattered on the floor is among the most painful experiences you will ever encounter.
18. Ice cream for dinner is acceptable. A fruit and nut topping makes it healthy.
19. Fire alarm batteries only die at 3am. I think it’s a law.
20. Always roll up the windows before you go through an automatic carwash. If car windows (saayyyy, from a 1960s VW Bug) are broken and don’t go up, well, enjoy the hot wax facial.
21. Whatever crazy antics you put your parents through will come back to you tenfold from your own kids.
22. Try to arrange layovers at airports you wouldn’t actually mind being stuck in. Being stranded in Kansas City during a blizzard is cruel and unusual. Ditto on Syracuse.
23. If you’re in control of the TV remote, you’re in control of the house. Use or distribute the power wisely.
24. 99% of the things you worry about never happen. Of the things that do happen, 99% are not as bad as you thought they would be.
25. Playing the harmonica through your nose is a rare talent. Note: Rare doesn’t always mean good.
26. Strapless wedding dresses must be fit properly. Otherwise, the risk of a “wardrobe malfunction” in front of your new in-laws is a distinct possibility.
27. Find something (or many things) to smile at every day.
28. When your 5-year old tells you she can’t talk to you because she’s on her imaginary cell phone playing Words with Friends, maybe you should dial back the phone usage. Or at least just play while she’s not looking.
29. Comparing your struggles with the successes of someone else is like hating Mt. Everest because it’s not the Pacific Ocean. God made us all unique with our own individual talents to offer. Don’t belittle your talents because they’re different than someone else’s.
30. Sometimes, your greatest heartache becomes your greatest blessing. (Read Junior’s Story Here.) God’s peace feels so much stronger in the struggles.